Finally!

Okay after thrashing about for the best part of a day on my lubuntu server.... I finally discovered the magic incantation to autostart vino service on a logged in desktop on it...

• You must place a fully qualified path to a startup script in the following file:

          ~/.config/lxsession/Lubuntu/autostart

• My content line for this was:

 /home/yourlogin/bin/vino-start.sh

If it will run in a gui terminal, or a text terminal for that matter, it will run and start and keep going here.